Friday, December 21, 2012

Shave or Crave, If you dont, I won't !

I am a self proclaimed OCD freak, married to a slob.  Don’t ask me how!
Out of a million things that irk me about my loving husband ,  is his obsession with facial hair. he is a software developer and pretty much works from home. So self grooming was not a necessity but also was not one of his fondest indulgences.  What he loved doing  in his free time though, is creating crop circles in what he proudly puts it as “ghar ke khati” . He even had an entire list of looks to experiment form. 

This couldn’t go on any longer. I hated his obsession with the fuzz.
Why the stubble, the beard, the French beard , the goatee and the stache, all had to go!
My reasons :
#The cheek burn – self-explanatory. 
#I couldn’t  read your smirk form the grin.
#I would get a dog if I was into patting fur, but would die before id stroke that beard.
#Hate your unpleasant experiments with them . When I come back home , can I, just for once, see the clean shaven  man I married, and not some evil twin that makes me want to run for that kitchen knife!
#And the last one takes the Oscar:
My nephew gifted my husband a book ,The Twits ,on his 30th. How thoughtful right.

The note inside the book read,     
Dear jiju ,
Rohal Dhal wrote a book about you,
You are my Mr. twit !

                              Here's what "Wikipedia" had to say bout Mr. twit:   
Mr. Twit is a horrible person, having hair that covers his entire face, with the exception of his forehead, eyes, and nose. His hair (which he falsely believes makes him appear "wise and grand"), is spiky and hard. Because he never washes it, his beard holds scraps of food dropped there while he ate, including tinned sardines, stilton cheese, and corn flakes.

For some reason my husband found this amusing, and I , didn’t !
Time for some action girl ,Finally all those classes I took bout  Strategic planning were about to pay off !
knowing the kind of guy my husband was no amount of :
#Nagging (would only be a waste of my energy),
#Sweet talking (would only make him think, who are you and what did you do to my wife),
#Emotional Attyachar(we were married for 4 yrs now,this cat left the building long time ago),
#Pleading (would only give him pleasure),
#Silent treatment (would make him think that he is on a holiday),
#Starving (would encourage him to call in take out),
was going to get him to SHAVE! So it was time he got a taste of his own medicine. I did exactly what he did. I stop shaving , waxing , threading , the works! For a MONTH. It was killing me inside, there were times when I wanted to give it all up. But I had to stand my ground.
While I was on my mission, there came a day that I was praying for. He said ,darling did u notice your donning two centipedes on your forehead and it’s not a pretty sight. And do I dare to mention your legs, they remind me of my college roommate Swami, who was not sure if was in the closet or out . For God sakes no more high fives in sleeveless tops till you deforest the little amazon.

I am CRAVING to get the feel your freshly waxed legs and your smooth embrace!
Darling! I said, just like you, I m trying to be the women nature intended me to be. If you want to look like a cave man, then, I need to play my part and look like you cave woman too. Don’t I?

If you don't shave, I won't, I said.

 I could see the look on his face, his jaw dropped to the floor, he got up, left the room , was back in 15.
    Now that’s the man I fell in love with , I said . I like it when u shave , this gives me more of you to kiss and sloop!
    Honey if u don’t mind can I tell  you something , he said ,
   get that freaking centipede off you face ,
 Its starting to give me the nightmares!

And ladies, that's how I got my man to shave! 

Shaving has become such a breeze for men with great tools like the new  Gillette fusion  that comes with 5 Blade Shaving Surface, a Precision Trimmer blade , an Enhanced Indicator Lubrastrip, and a modern razor handle. Its the best shaving system for Indian men, and is available in retail outlets across the country at an attractive price of Rs 299** only!

After all this ,you  still have to audacity to walk around with that stubble !

Shame on you!

"Just because evolution equipped you with the ability to grow a beard ,doesn't mean you have to.
 If you want to appeal to the ladies, do yourself a favor,


Bhavin Ruparelia said...

Before i leave an elaborate comment.. i must rush to the salon. Before the Stubble makes me "stumble" i must get rid of it. Lol.

Nachiket Tayshete said...


akanksha said...

haha good one! :) Thanks for visiting me. Nice blog, you have here.

Jyoti Mehra said...

Hi, I see you deleted your comment on my post earlier, I think you must have read that little message about me deleting posts with links! It was so very sweet of you to actually delete it, I'm glad you at least acknowledged it. Anyway, I liked this post very much :) Quite interesting and very well written. All the best! :)

Pooja. S said...

Hahhaha. Fun post. "If you don't shave, I won't"- what a clever approach. Just the thing that's bound to work xD

Maria Perry Mohan said...

There's nothing like emotional blackmail to really make your point. Good post.

I don't think Gilette will be awarding me with any iPad or trips to Paris somehow. LOL.

Enjoyed your visit. Do come again sometime. Will be back.

Varkha Alegria Israni said...

hahaha :) good one :) a taste of one's own medicine :D

Disha Kotak said...

thanks nachiket.

Disha Kotak said...

Thanks , akanksha.

Disha Kotak said...

i respect space, thanks for your kind words.

Disha Kotak said...

i know , right! thanks for your appreciation pooja.

Disha Kotak said...

maria , i beg to differ , emotional black mail can backfire some times. my husband knows me too well to fall in that trap. but i guess to each to its own . as for the prize , may be they might enjoy a different prospective , all the best!

Disha Kotak said...

i know , its gotta work ! thanks varkha.

Disha Kotak said...

thanks bhavin , that's exactly what i was aiming for here!
But hey why make a run to the barber , haven't you heard of the new Gillette fusion !its the best a man can get !

Fatima said...

Hilarious...loved it :D
I mean wow, I never thought of this way but then again what works for one might not work for other :)

Take Care

Disha Kotak said...

hi fatima , ya i do agree. It wont work on men who have a fetish for women with hairy armpit's ;p ! there's all sorts of crazy in his world! thanks for your kind comments though!

Gunjan said...

Hi, nice post! :)
Thanks for visiting my blog, look fwd to hearing more from you.

sunshine said...

Hey! Nice!
First of all, sympathies...because I know exactly HOW killing it must've been for you to not wax, thread, and the works; especially when you describe yourself as an OCD freak!!! Hats-off!!
And I'm glad it had the desired effect! ;)
Cheers!! Happy not-making-the-husband-crave times ahead!

rahul said...

a Sm@rt move to get shaved off =D

Disha Kotak said...

U cant imagine ! i hyperventilated every time i took a shower, had to bid good bye to my sleeveless tops :(, but in the end it all worked out!thanks sunshine!

Disha Kotak said...

Women are gifted ! what more can i say!

Anonymous said...

loved the evolution bit !
funny post , thanks for entertaining!

ajeet ramani said...

you have an innate sense of humor ,
will make sure my wife stays of your post!

Disha Kotak said...

thanks Dr jayshree !

Disha Kotak said...

awwwww ! thnaks for your kind words.

Manjulika pramod said...

Makes a great read...
Congrts for the win...worth it!!!

Disha Kotak said...

Thanks manjulika !

Gunjan said...

Hi Disha, Heartiest Congratulations to You on the win! :)

Disha Kotak said...

thanks gunjan !

Jaspreet Singh said...

Congratulations Disha! When do you take off for Paris? :-)

Disha Kotak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Canary said...

oh wow! I didn't know you have won two travel contests! heartiest congratulations disha!! so so glad and happy for you! so how was paris and melbourne? :)

Jyotsna Bhatia said...

What a hearty laugh I have had here Disha. Amazing. :D Why havent I found you earlier !!

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