The proposal

I was asked :

If you had to propose to your crush on Valentine's Day, how would you do it?  This post is my answer to the question….

Well since this is a hypothetical situation, I say let me go all out and arrive with a bang, after all chances of getting mocked, embarrassed and turned down in a hypothetical situation are close to zero. So I reckon I run my imagination crazy and do things with finesse.

Let’s assume,

There is this really intelligent, attractive deep and brooding boy (do they even make them anymore) back in college. Cut to reality, I like it if they have an air of suspense about them. Think Robert Pattinson. Well since he is so intense about life, my proposal cant be about a cheer leading troop singing about my crush on him. He’d probably die of embarrassment.

I’d like to set up a suspense treasure hunt for him. Kinda inspired from Gone Girl, but minus the psychotic drama of course. So I'd rope one of his friend in. Make sure I get him on my side and he will act as my access point to him. Once I have my ground work covered, it’s time to execute the master plan. A plan so elaborate that by the end of it, he would fall in love with me and sweep me off my feet.

I’d send him excerpts from his favorite authors snuck in his books, online stalking is so much easier now that we have the social media access. All the information that you need about someone is just a few clicks away. I’d keep this up for a week or so without reveling my identity.   

Now that I have his attention I’d leave little details about me in his bag courtesy his friend, who in reality belongs to #TeamDisha. Little details about things that I like, the books I like to read, the movies I like to watch and the food I love to eat etc. Once we keep this up for a week, there comes a time to have a little test to gauge where all of this is going.

This juncture is crucial because it could swing either ways. Either he could be mortified by the fact that he has an unknown psycho stalking him or he could get really flattered by all the attention he is getting. There is only one way to find that out. A note will be sent ask him to sign his name on the board by the end of the class, if he is keen on meeting the girl behind the letters.

If he does leave behind his sign on the board, which I think he will, then it’s time for the great reveal. The next day I'd leave a trail of treasure hunt questions, which lead him to me. If he could figure them in time and reach me I’d tell him that am head over heels over him. But if the questions prove too hard for him and he gives up along the way , I'd assume that he just wasn't intelligent enough for me. After all he want the last boy on earth...... 

NEVER STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE,
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WOULD COME KNOCK YOU DOWN

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Blaa without you - An ode to the great Indian Litter Bug.

 This satire is dedicated to the Great Indian Litter Bug.

I’ve traveled around the world, seen so many places,

But all I can recollect are just pale white faces.

Their streets are just like them, empty and boring,

Everyone is so prim, with not a thing on their flooring.

But back home, things are colorful and bright,

Reds, yellows, greens and blues, they are sure to get your senses excite.

There is an army of men, who painstakingly keep up the art,

After all, it’s not an easy job to have your streets smell like fart.

The aunty who tosses orange peels on the track,

To the famished uncle who dumps an empty packet of his snack.

The little bums doing their morning business on the highway,

 To the little girl tossing banana skin down the sky-way.

The cigarette butts on the floor that depict a modern instillation,

To the buffalo's bathing in our lakes like they’re on a vacation.

The sweet smell from the crossroad bins, of freshly decaying compost,

When away from home, it’s honestly the only thing that I miss the most.

Dear litterbug, you give my city character, you give it identity,

This amalgamation of sights and smells bring back the feeling of serenity.

Everywhere I look there are colors of hue,

If it wasn’t for your dump, this place would be so Blaa without you….

Thanks for the stray wrappers, thanks for torn cartons,

Thanks for the empty packets, thanks for the plastic bottles,

Thanks for the rotting peals, thanks for the aluminum cans, 
Thanks for the poop filed dippers, thanks for the stale parathas,

Thanks for the paan painted walls, thanks for the shit on the road,

Thanks for the gum on my shoe, thanks for the floating flowers in the sea,

Thanks for the half eaten pizza boxes, thanks for the snort filled tissues,

Thanks for the empty coffee cups, thanks for the industrial waste in my water,

Thanks for the blood soaked sanitary napkin. Just the sight I need to brighten my day!

Thanks for packing all of the above in loosely tied polythene in all the colors of rainbow. 

          Thanks for spilling these of my streets, thanks for serving a ready meal to the crow, dogs, cats and cattle’s, so that they can ingest your junk, choke on the plastic and die a slow and painful death.

          Thanks for creating a makeshift breeding ground for pests flies, roaches and more, after all India has way too many people and it’d be nice if we can get rid of a few of them. Malaria, Dengue, Typhoid, Cholera. I wonder what’s your poison?

Thanks for stealing my trash can, so that I never have a place to put it away. After all we come from the land of snake charmers, elephants and garbage. Why change that image that your ancestors of the litterbug clan had so painstakingly built.